Journey

I confess. I saw eternity the other day. In the bustle. In the grey platform. In the bird-like animals along the high rising over bridge which must have been men and women in reality. My eyes were moist with silhouettes. I couldn’t see anything… only voices and noises flew along the heating air. I felt the dirty water licking the hemline of my long, flowing skirt…

The train was rushing in…
The world was spinning fast…
I gasped for breath…
My stomach gave a lurch…
A farewell smile blurred out of view…
The whistle could burst my ears…

I wanted to look away. But anyway, I couldn’t see anything… only sounds resonated inside my throat. I was dry and full. So I decided to keep still. Okay, I admit, I couldn’t have moved in any case. Roots, strong… adamant… rowdy, kept me fixed to the spot where I stood.

Did I stand at all?

And then the train came… Chugging and shrugging into a slothful halt.
Finally, I saw countless moves… the sea of unleashed colours which must have been men and women in reality.

The chocolate was melting inside the warmth of five clutching fingers…
My jaw was stiff with ache…
My cheek-muscles twitched…
And then…

Nothing happened. Only that I became deaf. Blank. Numb. It was an age before I discovered a change. A slight change. A beautiful change. A change that was not a change at all. It was all the same… the crowd… the fading sounds… the smudging colours… the ash jeans and black skirt… only that another five fingers clasped the melting chocolate over the previous five. It didn’t feel like a change, in fact. It was an end. A completion most obvious. A gift. An eternity.

One more shrill screech, and the train slowly left the station. I wanted to crane my neck for a last glance. But I was too full. Too heavy. Too captivated to move. The blue kurta and ash jeans still hung loose inside my skull… a smile that I tried to recollect couldn’t find a way out. My lips were parched and dead. Yet the train gathered speed… yet the crowd was scurrying about… yet the blue bench stared blatantly into my eyes… yet a waving hand disappeared among a thousand businesses...

Only I remained. Rooted. Quiet with inertia. Frozen with light. I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to cry. I wanted to flee… to die…
But there I was! Standing amidst distorted images of reveries, realities and dreams. The whole of my consciousness was flooding with a glow… the beam was drenching my soul… liberating my pains… sweeping away all shadows of dilemma and doubts.

I knew at the instant, that I’ve undergone a journey... it was a religious cruise down my psyche. I felt it too deeply to deny.

I didn’t care whether my eyes were red… whether my hands were sticky with the remnants of melted cocoa... all I could manage is to utter “Happy Birthday”…
I needed it.
I was indeed born again.