Sunday, April 11, 2010

... of Men and Women

The other day a friend told me that he thinks men are more comfortable with female friends rather than with male ones. On further probing he confessed that he is talking particularly about emotional comfort. Then he went on to tell me how in their group of friends in college, there is this girl Roshni whom everybody wants to be with. If anyone is down, she is the soothing factor. People talk to her about their personal crises and disappointments and find shelter in her empathy. Not that she is extremely pretty or seductive. Not that she is flirtatious. Neither is she anything like extraordinarily generous or talented or helpful etc. It is simply because she is a girl, and she is single.

But then, there is another girl in your group too, said I. What about her? She is the more gorgeous one, right?

Then I got to know that this other girl, who is also a good friend, is in a relationship. And when I expressed wonder at this strange observation, he started generalizing. He claimed that two men can never be as close as two women can be. It is the inherent nature of man to maintain a strict distance from another man. But in case of women, relationships are more flexible. They allow emotions to overpower everyday distance, if required. They are not as rigid as men.

I don’t know whether his point is valid or not, but it definitely made me think. If, for a moment, we consider this statement to be true, why, then I ask, would a man feel emotionally easy only in the presence of a woman and not another man? Why? What is the cause?

  1. Women are said to possess a higher degree of emotional quotient. Hence it is more comfortable to express emotions to them who would understand and sympathise whereas in case of men there is this perpetual fear of being unsympathized, even laughed at.
  2. Men always feel a spirit of competence towards other men. So they are often extremely insecure to unravel their private agonies to their fellow rivals.
  3. There might be an unconscious sexual undertone to this whole project of the man revealing only to the woman. And all the women are more tender and more understanding and more homely and more sympathetic etc. crap, is just a hoax. Because why, otherwise, would these people in the group my friend was talking about choose someone who is single over someone who is not? But then again, does a woman lose her sexuality on commitment?

What do you think?

Please ask yourself this question and feel free to comment. Am hoping to see some really interesting and enlightenening views.

4 comments:

  1. very interesting debate... :)

    wel, i have thought about it and i disagree to the point that men cant be very close friends...

    once again the socially constructed identity of men becomes very important in the discussion.
    it happens because of the way boys are brought up.

    to be continued...

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  2. sorry, i missed a point.

    i think this kind of behaviour carries a highly sexual undertone, which remain unrealised and if realised....is denied.

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  3. You know I think that some of these thoughts are generalizations. But this is interesting because it shows how men(your friend here) tend to categorize and generalize who they will be comfortable with emotionally on the basis of their relationship status.

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